Until ‘intelligent’ wear can make me utterly irresistible, I’d suggest retailers shelve the concept
I RECENTLY bought my first item of intelligent clothing. In fact, I’m wearing it as I pen this column. It’s a fairly average-looking, sludgy green, long-sleeved and over-priced T-shirt that I wouldn’t have bought ordinarily, but its label made it utterly compelling.
If its claims are to be believed, this new top is going to have my skin silky smooth and healthy in no time.
Sound bizarre? It certainly does to me, but this is what the label promises: “We’ve discovered how to incorporate tiny beads of aloe vera, renowned for its moisturising, healing and antibacterial properties, into fibres of this garment. It is gradually released during wear and should last for about 25 washes.”
Needless to say, I will be wearing this top with extreme care and washing it as little as possible.
The folk behind this extraordinary garment are none other than Woolworths. Like many people, I’ve been aware of the growth in smart or intelligent clothing technology around the world but I never expected to find it hanging, unannounced, on the rails at my local Woolies, in among the really smart (as in “elegant”) tops in the W Collection range.
I think I’ll save my cheers for a while though, at least until I’ve established whether or not these tiny beads of aloe vera are going to have any impact on my skin at all.
It is very hard not to be cynical, since “moisturising, healing and antibacterial properties” will be really difficult to pinpoint and prove. Perhaps I should wait until I develop a nasty rash or fungal infection and whip on the T-shirt to see if it has any effect?
And before Woolies or any other retailers rush to invest big time into the intelligent clothing arena, they would be advised to conduct research into what people would like their clothing to do — in addition to covering their modesty and making a fashion statement.
I prefer to take care of moisturisers and fragrance myself, thank you very much. There are French cosmetic laboratories that have spent millions to convince me that their products are designed for my skin and taste.
However, by all accounts there are great strides being made in textiles impregnated with anti-malarial agents to keep out killer mossies — and a neurotic mother like myself loves the news that there’s a lab developing a babygro that comes complete with a sensor patch to monitor my infant’s breathing and heart beat.
My arty friends will love reports of a T-shirt with images that change throughout the day, the dieters will kill for stockings with built-in cellulite lotion and, as was to be expected, my husband made some lewd suggestions about what the average man would love his boxer shorts to do while he is on a run!
Right now, my skin’s feeling no smoother or healthier and I’m afraid my aloe vera T-shirt is in danger of being relegated to the pile of around-the-house tops in my exercise drawer.
If Woolies is listening, may I suggest you forget the gimmicks and stick to your fashion-forward developments such as T-shirts made from organic cotton and the brilliant range that brings us hot new styles straight from Europe within weeks.
Until you come up with the shirt that makes me utterly irresistible to any man, employer and bank manager, I would leave intelligent clothing to the scientists.
* Myburgh, a former editor of ELLE magazine, is a freelance writer and media consultant
